This is 40:

turning 40I remember being younger thinking about the idea of turning forty.  What would I be doing?  What would I look like?  How many kids would I have? Where would I be living?  Who would I be married to?  Would I be happy?  Forty sounded so old and so far away at the time…and now it’s here.

In the blink of an eye, forty is only a few days away for me.  Whether you are young or old (whatever that definition means to you), I think it’s important to reflect back when a big birthday and milestone comes your way.

To start off, I am happy, which to me, is the most important thing.  I feel very blessed with all that I have and am thankful for those that give me constant support and guidance.

Growing up definitely has its ups and downs which can be challenging, confusing, exciting and every other adjective I can think of.  We are finding out who we are, who we want to be and when you add in friendships, relationships, careers, family and more, it’s a lot to handle and to balance at a young age.

I have made mistakes in my forty years, g-d have I made mistakes, but would I go back in time and change anything if I could?  If I knew then what I know now, my answer would be yes, but only because I would be curious to see how an alternative way of doing things would turn out.  Would my life be so different from what it is now?  If I wasn’t armed with a wiser brain during my time travels, then no, I wouldn’t go back.  I obviously made certain choices because at that time in my life, that’s what I felt was best for me or what I needed or knew I didn’t need but wanted.

We do stupid things when we’re young and make questionable choices because we can.  Like I tell my kids, how can we grow as people if we don’t make mistakes?  They are really learning lessons in disguise…or just really stupid choices, but we’ll go with learning lessons.  🙂  I have learned in my forty years not to have regrets, which is not easy to do.  I have realized that you cannot change the past so what’s the point in even wasting any energy on it.  Instead of focusing on any regrets I may have, I live my life challenging myself, making sure I don’t regret NOT doing something.

I have had many friends and relationships over the years, who have come and gone and I truly believe they each served a purpose.  At different stages of our life, we attract various types of people and hope to gain something from their friendship that we need at that time.  Some I was sad to see go, while others, didn’t add anything to my life anyway.  I have been hurt and disappointed in the past and to this day, still try to understand why.  I don’t have all the answers at forty but each year, I get wiser and wiser.  The ones that stuck though, really stuck and I am grateful for those people!  I also think it’s so cool that I have made new friends, really, really good friends at this age.  At thirty-nine (I still have two days to say that), I am all about meeting new people, opening myself up, being vulnerable, trusting and sharing our journeys together.

This is by far not a depressing summary of my forty years on this earth so far, (even though it kind of sounds like it), but actually quite the opposite.  I hoped that when I turned forty, I would be able to say I was proud of who I am, proud of what I do and proud of the people I surround myself with.  Check, check and check.  What would I tell my younger self?  Enjoy the ride and you will eventually get there.

I am damn proud of what I have accomplished in forty years!  I have reached many of my life goals while continuing to invent new ones, created three of my best friends and have a husband who really gets me and understands what I need and what I don’t.  Life is good (knock on wood) and I would not change a thing about where I landed.  I have pushed myself, taken risks, spoken up for myself, become a stronger and more confident person, feel healthy and strong, and am lucky to be able to call myself a mom, which was always something I had dreamed of as a little girl.

This is not an article to talk about how great I am either, although between you and me, I think I am a pretty cool chick.  Trust me though, I have faults and work still to be done, but I believe we should always be bettering ourselves.  I decided long ago that with each decade that went by, I would learn something, grow as a person and challenge myself and today, that definitely holds true.

My twenties were all about discovering who I wanted to be in the real world and figuring out how to overcome obstacles that were thrown my way.   It was about finding my best friend who would support me through anything and everything and made me laugh…a lot.  That person would become my husband and we continue to grow together today.  My twenties were great and fun but also confusing and scary, so no thanks, I wouldn’t want to go back.

My thirties were all about becoming a mom, three times over and really truly understanding the kind of parent I wanted to be.  My kids were a gift that brought me confidence and allowed me to also give birth to my business.  It was a time I finally realized that you cannot change someone but rather change the way you react to that person.  My thirties were all about the glass being half full and about surrounding myself with positivity.

What will my forties bring?  Time will tell.  I am not even going to attempt to guess, because I am not yet equipped with the tools to figure it out.  Each decade really does bring new tools that give you those aha moments.  You can then think back and say, “Wow, I should have done this or that, but simply did not know how.  Moving forward, I am armed and ready!”  It’s all about growing and evolving into the person you want to be.  I can say that as forty approaches in two days, I am that person I wanted to be.  It took a lot of hard work but I got here.

Holy crap!  I am turning forty!!!  How did that happen so quickly yet at the same time feel like I have experienced so much? I am not upset or depressed like many people seem to be when the big 4-0 is upon them, (which I never really understood), but just totally baffled that it’s actually happening…in two days.

Maybe those people have not found their “happy” yet and that’s okay.  Maybe their forties is their time to figure it all out.  What the hell do I know.  Maybe when I am fifty, I will say, “I had no clue at forty”.  We always think we know it all and then realize we actually didn’t know anything.

What I do know is I am ready for forty and all the adventures that come with it.  Bring it on baby!


birthday sign #2